i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
