my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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