I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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