I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my liver is dry heaving
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