you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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