If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
