I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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