I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
