I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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