I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
