So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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