Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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