why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
