If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
