My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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