We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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