keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
