I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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