I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
