I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
