remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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