that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
