All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
