i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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