so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
