Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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