Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
