I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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