I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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