sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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