woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
