Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
