I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
