it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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