this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
