my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
