Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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