wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
