you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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