Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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