her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
did i just pee glitter
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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