theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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