the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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