FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
