Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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