Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
