i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
