Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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