alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
