Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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