It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
