ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize