he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
