He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
