if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
