i don't like sucking hair
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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