At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
