im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
