Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
