That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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