Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
