you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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