this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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