I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
