Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
