My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.