lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.