Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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