Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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