I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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