But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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