Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
