Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
