I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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