will power is for people who don't want to get laid
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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