your room smells of hookers.
And success
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
