I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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