There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Bring me that man meat
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
