The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize