I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
