it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
