i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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